Hi. These are my friends drinking wine out of Twizzler straws.
Step One: Stare longingly at bow tie best friend gave you for your birthday, which was almost 4 MONTHS AGO OH MY GOD HAVE I BEEN 26 THAT LONG
Step Two: Look up youtube videos, rule them out based on if you will be able to watch video without snickering and muttering, Shut up, Nerd, at demonstrator.
Step Three: Attempt to tie bow-tie approximately 45,000 times.
Step Four: Begin drinking.
Step Five: Get bow-tie tied, kind of.
Step Six: Spend next half hour making what you consider to be “handsome” faces in mirror and drinking scotch at self, while wearing bow-tie.
Step Seven: Begin to strut around room while drinking scotch and wearing bow-tie.how
Step Eight: OH MY GOD IT IS 3 AM AND I JUST SPENT AN HOUR AND A HALF ON BOW-TIE ADVENTURES
fin
\0/ =the emoticon emily created as the “Kaitlin yay twirl”
“This used to be part of my shark attack emoticon.”~Emily
Conclusion: I choose the correct friends.
“You, sir. I find you very attractive. Good day!”
“…can I buy you a dri—”
“I SAID GOOD DAY!”
From an old interview with Das Racist.
Deborah Solomon: Do you see your work as a critique of white America?
Heems: I think it is solely a critique of John Boehner. As our bandmate Ashok Kondabolu would say, John Boehner represents the utmost in white demonry.
Deborah Solomon: This is precisely why I make a point of never asking rappers questions about politics.
Heems: Deborah, chill.
After the contestant answered “What is ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT,” Trebek in a very animated tone said “When’s the movie coming out already?” Okay okay Trebek didn’t say that but I like to think he did. I also like to think he’s a never-nude. Oh and just in case you were interested the category was “Shrinking Your TV.”
OH SHIT TREBEK
Been using duck sauce as a regular condiment ‘cause I’m a rebel. A rebel with sauce? Cause? Sauce? Eh? No. Shut up, me.
I also do this. I also say “Shut up, me” on a regular basis. Yay, loneliness and neuroses!
-drinking whiskey
-drinking coffee
-chocolate
-meat
-drinking wine
-cheese
-not cleaning my room
-making out in public
-making terrible decisions re: EVERYTHING
-drinking and making terrible decisions re: EVERYTHING
-hiding behind large rocks when I see people I do not want to see
-being the Worst, all the time
—not smiling at law students when I see them in the elevator (I mean come on who am I, an unsmiling monster?)
-watching various Storycorps episodes and the first ten minutes of Up! expressly so I can cry self-indulgently on the cat
-crying self-indulgently on the cat
I wonder if I should look at this list and make it into a teachable moment, or something.
…Nah. I’ll just give up meat and cheese.
[video]
This happy, well-protected crab is what I feel like after I hang out with my pals after a tough day.
(via momina)