my name is: Archive

May 26th

1 note

how to tie a bow tie

Step One: Stare longingly at bow tie best friend gave you for your birthday, which was almost 4 MONTHS AGO OH MY GOD HAVE I BEEN 26 THAT LONG Step Two: Look up youtube videos, rule them out based on if you will be able to watch video without snickering and muttering, Shut up, Nerd, at demonstrator. Step Three: Attempt to tie bow-tie approximately 45,000 times. Step Four: Begin drinking. Step...

May 25th

1 note

\0/ =the emoticon emily created as the “Kaitlin yay twirl” “This used to be part of my shark attack emoticon.”~Emily Conclusion: I choose the correct friends.

Apr 16th

3 tags

You, sir.

“You, sir. I find you very attractive. Good day!” “…can I buy you a dri—” “I SAID GOOD DAY!”

Apr 9th

Posting this here. I can never forget this exists.

From an old interview with Das Racist. Deborah Solomon: Do you see your work as a critique of white America? Heems: I think it is solely a critique of John Boehner. As our bandmate Ashok Kondabolu would say, John Boehner represents the utmost in white demonry. Deborah Solomon: This is precisely why I make a point of never asking rappers questions about politics. Heems: Deborah, chill.

Mar 24th

2 notes

Mar 7th

1,815 notes

Mar 7th

5 notes

Here are a few things I could give up for Lent.

-drinking whiskey -drinking coffee -chocolate -meat -drinking wine -cheese -not cleaning my room -making out in public -making terrible decisions re: EVERYTHING -drinking and making terrible decisions re: EVERYTHING -hiding behind large rocks when I see people I do not want to see -being the Worst, all the time —not smiling at law students when I see them in the elevator (I mean...

Feb 24th

1 note

Feb 23rd

37,232 notes

Feb 15th

19,246 notes

Feb 1st

1,233 notes

I don't even try anymore.

Guy at bar I am flirting with: Yeah, I have a pet. I have a cat. Wicked Drunk Me: A cat! What is it’s name? GABIAFW: (sort of awkwardly laughs)…it’s name is Bitey. WDM: BITEY! I have a dead possum named Bitey. GABIAFW: You um, you— WDM: HE LIVES ON OUR SHELF. ...

Oct 25th

4 notes

This is how I invited my friends to do the Freedom...

Hey guys, I have a question: you know what’s really fucking cool? Boston. Our fair city. Guess what happened here like two hundred years ago. Oh, you can’t, because you’ve never done the Freedom Trail? Okay, I’ll tell you. OUR FUCKING COUNTRY’S INDEPENDENCE WAS FUCKING FOUGHT FOR HERE. NO BIG DEAL. A bunch of raggedy-ass farmer-soldiers took down a shitload of red...

Oct 7th

1 note

what if I drink this entire bottle of red wine,...

It wouldn’t be the first time or anything, but I AM alone, which gives it an air of “Hey, maybe you’re a mess,” which is probably not helpful to really anything that’s going on in my life. But I’m drinking this really, really good pinot noir, (thanks, kind of upscale Ball Square liquor store) and I usually hate pinot noirs. And it’s pouring out, and...

Sep 24th

4 notes

should I quit facebook?

it’s getting weird now, right?

Sep 23rd

Sep 11th

2 notes

JP Licks, Davis Square, 8:30 PM

I was walking from Davis Square back to my apartment today when I saw my friend Hing, sitting on a bench, eating an ice cream. This kind of thing has happened non-stop since I moved here. I knew, logically, that this would happen. It’s a pretty tiny neighborhood and everyone I know who lives here (there are a lot of people. A lot.) lives within ten minutes walking distance from me. So I...

Sep 9th

how kissing and feelings should be part of my...

Spring is for breakups (everything else is changing, why not this too!) Summer, for sluttiness (it’s too hot to cuddle/have emotions! but not too hot to MAKE OUT ALL OVER ALL THE BARS!) Fall is for casual dating (let’s go apple picking! let’s observe leaves and their colors! jack-o-lanterns!) Winter is for LOCKING THAT SHIT DOWN AND SNUGGLING. (obviously) I’m falling...

Sep 8th

1 note

Aug 16th

one time Jason had us come over for a "party," and...

Just sayin.

Aug 10th

1 note

I kissed a bro, and I liked i-it

Aug 4th

We had to choose between going to Miracle of...

I really, really love me some Cambridge.

Jul 23rd

Harvard Square, July 2, 10:40 PM

Emily, Phuong and I were on the rooftop at Daedalus in Harvard Square, and we were drinking and telling stories and getting generally rambunctious. A bachelor party came and sat down next to us and introduced themselves. I’m still not totally clear on this, but it seemed like half of them were from Cambridge, and half of them had gone to Harvard with the bachelor, who had both grown up in...

Jul 4th

Jul 3rd

28 notes

Jun 23rd

Jun 19th

1 note

Jun 3rd

136 notes

May 27th

14 notes

May 24th

1 note

May 19th

1 note

Apr 23rd

1,065 notes

Litz: The popular Tumblr writer queued up fifty... →

backleftlitz: The popular Tumblr writer queued up fifty posts before hanging himself on the first nice day of spring. As his wife worked up the courage to call the police, his followers read an Odd Future think piece that so deftly and intelligently got to the root of the O.F. Problem that Tyler decided to… If Jonathan Safran Foer wrote about tumblr instead of whatever Jonathan Safran...

Apr 18th

48 notes

blarg →

Oh, hey, it’s my blarg again. I hadn’t updated in a while. So bear with me.

Apr 16th

Apr 7th

2 notes

california is a place. →

Two journalists tell stories from the Golden State using photos, video and audio. Beautiful. My favorite, so far, is about the Silicon Valley guys who have a fight club.

Apr 3rd

I have long suspected that I am the "goofy best...

Evidence? Why, sure. Here are the events of my past week: break up with boyfriend—> feel really good about breaking up with boyfriend as things were very pleasant—> feel so good, in fact, that immediately tell mom about this—> awesome, but pretty traditional mother who LOVED now-ex-boyfriend bursts into tears—> instead of handling things like an adult,...

Mar 26th

Mar 20th

116 notes

Mar 11th

836 notes

Jan 8th

9,577 notes

Dec 30th

Dec 8th

55 notes

a guide to the wonderful world of MINIATURE... →

“Despite their intelligence and socially gregarious nature, your average farm pig makes a terrible pet. For one things they’re huge…for another, they have appetites to match their gargantuan sizes. Enter miniature pigs as a family friendly solution.” Enter miniature pigs ONTO MY CHRISTMAS LIST.

Nov 20th

1 note